I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
