so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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