What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
