Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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