she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
