it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
barbara walters just said penis...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
