Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
