my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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