i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
