I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
