Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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