Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
