Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
