oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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