Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
