so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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