i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
