How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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