How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
