We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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