why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
