it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
