the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
