I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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