i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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