i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
