If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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