You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
