I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
