And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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