i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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