I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
