We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
