I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ttyl tear gas
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
