You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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