I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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