I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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