I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
