You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Houston, we have a blender
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
