My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am spending my child support on dildos
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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