My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
