I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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