It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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