If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
