bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
