Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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