If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
