Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize