i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
