RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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