Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
