she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
