So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
