It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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