So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
