the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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