Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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