just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
