so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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