I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
