he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
