i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
