you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
