That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
