Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize