The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
