I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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