Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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