I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
