and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
