but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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