I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
