he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I miss vodka workout Fridays
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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