am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
