I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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