Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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