my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize