I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
