her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
