I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
