The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
