there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
