i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
