My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Even my vagina gasped.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
